Tears and Laughter: The greatest gift a parent can give is kindness 

I was shopping with friends over the weekend and was searching for the perfect black sweater. Another woman was already looking at the sweaters too and she had in her possession three young children. The oldest, a boy, looked to be around 11, a daughter about seven, and the youngest was a boy probably around five.

All parents with multiple kids know what it is like to try and shop with them. Nobody would describe it as easy, but it’s parenting. It has its own undisputed rewards. One of the world’s universal truths is that we all love our children the same. So I don’t question whether this young mother loves her children. She does. They were dressed appropriately enough. She obviously tends to them and cares for them. But caring for children – as I acknowledge the vast majority of readers already know – involves more than food and clothes.

Before I pick up the first V-neck it becomes apparent that the youngest had already requested to her and everyone within earshot a visit to the restroom. Maybe not quite that tactfully, but made it clear, and the lady at the register in our department explained the nearest facility was at the store next door.

Did the mom stop and take him? No. No, she didn’t. She kept taking her sweet time, drawling on about what a good faker he is. Meanwhile little dude was becoming more uncomfortable and more audible and as having a mother’s heart, I was becoming more aware of the entire ridiculous situation which continued to escalate. The boy started crying. I couldn’t focus on sweaters anymore. I was trying to decide where the line of privacy in public ends. I was debating if I should offer to walk the kid next door, since she had her hands full…but who does that? Who should even have to consider it? I was just trying to find a black sweater to wear to my in-law’s house for Christmas.

The little boy’s big brother went over and knelt down beside him. He started talking to him trying to settle him. I think that may have been the saddest part of all of it to me, seeing his brother trying to calm him. It couldn’t have been the first time. It came to natural to him. But it didn’t work, the younger boy kept crying and his mom turned around and slapped him on the cheek. He cried even more, still squirming and dancing. She rolled her eyes, telling him he was going to take a nap when they got home.

By then she was at the checkout. I don’t know what the next frame was for the two boys and their silent sister. Maybe they walked out into candy land and easy street, but I doubt it. All children need structure and discipline, but if you slap your kids in the face it says more about who you are than it does your child’s behavior. You don’t come across as strong or in control, you come across as a low-class ignorant bully. It reflects on your own upbringing.

If you are a parent who has no reason to hope tomorrow will be any less struggle than yesterday and you sometimes teeter on the edge of dysfunction…the least you can do, is be kind to your children. Just be good to them. You are their only resource. You are their only means of appeal. Treat them right, both in public when other eyes are watching, and in private…when it is only theirs. It is how you help give them the gift of confidence, emotional wholeness, and success.

Amanda Walker is a columnist with The West Alabama Watchman, Al.com, The Thomasville Times, and The Wilcox Progressive Era. For more information, visit her on Facebook at https://www.facebook.com/AmandaWalker.Columnist.