Tears and Laughter: Personal Problems…

For a couple of years, I had a recurring conversation with various family members and close friends about how sometimes when I would be reading I felt like I needed to Windex my eyes.

They would stare at me like that was some kind of odd thing for me to say. And then, every single one of them said something like, “You need glasses.”

To which I would immediately retort, “No I do not! Why would you say that?” And then I would laugh and laugh, or just immediately cop an attitude.

So after a while of hearing this Windex discussion and dealing with my redheaded reactions, one of my sweet friends included a pair of reading glassed with a gift she gave me. They were black, mostly, with this pink leopard motif. Just tacky enough for me to love them and there is no doubt, she knew I would. She knew they would match most everything I own and she was probably hoping that they would help me see too.

People who have worn glasses for a long time wear them with ease and grace. They can look stylish and smart in them and appear to have few issues.

I am not there yet. Probably because I still don’t know for sure I even need them. But they do make it much easier to read, and I have texted my family less often that “I live them” since I started wearing them.

I sat on that first pair one day and broke them. I immediately went and found another pair just like them. That’s how much I liked them.

The problem though, is when I look up from reading everything is blurry if I leave the glasses on, because of course, as I’ve explained, I don’t really need them. I see things far away just lovely. So, in order to see things at a distance clearly, I perch the glasses on the end of my nose and peer out over them.

I have seen other people do this in the past. I have witnessed it. But I always figured they were just looking down their nose at me. I am trying to be careful and not look that way, but if I take them off I begin pointing and directing with them like I am a conductor. That is better than putting them down though because then, I risk losing them. I have wasted many hours searching for the second pair of pink leopard glasses.

I guess that is why you sometimes hear about people who will go to the Dollar Tree and buy several pair of bright colored reading glasses and put at least one pair in every room of their house and two in the car. I am slowly becoming one of these people. I am developing a kindred connection with all of the women who wear glasses around their necks on fancy little beaded chains.

Another thing I am becoming increasingly attracted to is the sunglass readers. Several times I have found my lost pink leopards waiting around on top of my head when I would go to set my sunglasses up there. Even having found them, I sometimes just leave them up there – as to not lose them again – and that, I am sure, is how the sunglass reader came to be.

Everybody keeps telling me a trip to the eye doctor would simplify the matter, but I laugh and laugh. They are so silly, bless their hearts. It would be different if I really needed the things.

Amanda Walker is a columnist with The West Alabama Watchman, Al.com, The Thomasville Times, and The Wilcox Progressive Era. For more information, visit her on Facebook at https://www.facebook.com/AmandaWalker.Columnist.