Tears and Laughter: Don’t be clowning in Wilcox County

I first started hating clowns in the summer of 1982. It was the same year “E.T.” became such a huge hit. I didn’t know exactly what an extra-terrestrial was at the time, but I went anyway and enjoyed the movie. I didn’t know what a poltergeist was either, but after watching the original “Poltergeist,” I no longer cared for clowns and spent the next six months camped out on my big brother’s bottom bunk out of fear of clowns. I was afraid the one from “Poltergeist” might show up under the bed in my room like it did in the movie.

This was way before iTunes and earbuds. This was even before cassette tapes were that common, when the 8-track tape player was still popular. My brother liked music and played many country classics on his portable 8-track player every night up on the top bunk. Eventually my dislike of his music choices outweighed my fear of clowns, but even after all these years, I still don’t like clowns all that much.

I mean…I liked Bozo and Cookie, but who didn’t? Everybody wanted to go be on the “Bozo Show” and get the chance to play that game with the balls and the buckets. Every time a player got a ball in a bucket one of Bozo’s helpers would run out on stage with an armload of games and prizes. It was great fun to watch when we were kids, but for the most part, clowns are creepy. Mimes aren’t too far behind.

Due to the string of real, fake, and imagined clown stories that have surfaced from the state of South Carolina to the town of Flomaton and the city of Montgomery over the past few days, I doubt the clown costume will be the number one choice of too many people this Halloween season – especially in the Clarke, Marengo, Wilcox area.

Friday morning when I was in Camden at the Piggly Wiggly buying groceries, everybody was talking about the clown situation and how it was hard to disregard it entirely. Some people were a little scared and wigged out, but others were worried for the clowns because a clown in the edge of the woods in Wilcox County doesn’t stand a chance. If you live outside the city limits of Camden and Pine Hill the sound of gunshots is not unusual. Target practice is a pastime. There were six handguns at the last baby shower I went to. There is always some kind of hunting happening. It is just the way of life here.

It is dove season now, and hunters are already in the woods with tractors planting food plots for the upcoming deer season. Clowns, clown wannabes, and copycats should be advised that these people carry guns with them at all times, because this is rural South Alabama, and rattlesnakes are crawling.

Crows and coyotes can be hunted year round with no limit. Right now clowns could easily be thought to fall into that nuisance/predator category. Extreme caution is recommended.

Hogs and raccoons are pretty much the same way, except they are often hunted at night. The special lights that allow hunters to see hogs would easily detect a clown sprinting through a field. And not only that, hog dogs are not known for being the friendliest of breeds. They are pack animals and not readily accepting of strangers.

I’m not saying don’t be a clown. I’m just saying don’t be crazy.

Amanda Walker is a columnist with The West Alabama Watchman, Al.com, The Thomasville Times, and The Wilcox Progressive Era. For more information, visit her on Facebook at https://www.facebook.com/AmandaWalker.Columnist.