Counselor’s Desk: Second efforts and second chances

Miranda Lambert expressed in her hit song that “Everybody dies famous in a small town.” I recently came across this phenomenon of our culture when I was at a social function. I sat listening to conversation, but had little input as I am not from this town and the vast majority of the conversation was gossip about people I did not know.

What struck me about the conversation was the focus was not on this person’s current actions but, instead, was on things that had happened years earlier. I began to think about being famous in a small town. Do you ever get away from your past? If you change, what does it take for others to change their perception of you? Do we judge too many people on what we think we know about them rather than trying to understand their actions?

I often come across this in my professional life. Clients will share with me that they want others to treat them based on how they act now, not who they used to be. I work with substance abuse and mental health, so my clients often have rocky histories and some not-so-savory past behaviors. I try to emphasize the importance of being consistent with the new behaviors and taking personal responsibility in regard to the old ones.

We talk about not relying on words, but instead proving oneself with actions. And finally, since we are in a small town, we talk about changing as a whole and not simply picking and choosing which people we change for. Even with these steps in place though, are people receptive to others changing?

In graduate school, we studied people’s capacity to change and how, in society, people often see change in others as impossible. I’m writing this in hopes that people will take a look at their beliefs.  Do you think people are capable of changing? Do you give people a chance to prove themselves or are you hesitant to afford a second chance?

I believe that I would give people a second chance just like I know that I would want to be given a second chance. How often do we hold people hostage to their past when they are showing us a new present? I feel like we are jaded as a society, stuck over people who have let us down; those people we thought had changed but, in reality, had not. I hope we are not too jaded to see the possibility of someone needing a fresh start. I certainly hope someone would give me a second chance after I proved worthy of it.

Kate Crawford is a Licensed Professional Counselor and the director of Tombigbee Outreach. For more information about Tombigbee Outreach, call 334-287-2428.